Day 2

Today our adoption was finalized from the Chinese side of things.  As far as they are concerned, Su Min is ours.  The rest of our trip is getting his Chinese passport and his U.S. visa. Today we went back to the place where we got Su Min yesterday and completed documents, then went to the notary to finalize more papers.  It was an entire morning of walking and waiting and riding in a kind of hot coach bus, but the boys did great.

It's official!!!  I know, Ben is thrilled.

Su Min is doing amazing.  He loves to play, wander and wreak havoc.  He LOVES to eat and requests a snack in hand at all times.  We see smiles often,he already checks in to find me and requests to be picked up.  He will also happily hang out with Baba (Tom).  He is definitely talking a lot, frustrating because we have no idea what he is saying, but is great to know he is already acquiring so much language with his unrepaired cleft palate.  Several people have commented on how loved he must have been, big, chunky, smiley and walking and playing, curious and timid all at the same time. 

Ben is doing pretty darn good too.  He has already realized that little brothers can be annoying, and we are working on overtime to shower both boys with a lot of attention.  This morning he was NOT thrilled that Su Min was still here, but at the same time, Su Min will disappear into the bathroom with Tom for a minute and Ben is asking where he is. 

While our hotel is great and we are getting by, we are already looking forward to our flight to Guangzhou on Saturday when we move to a one bedroom suite in a Marriott with lots of accommodations compared to what  we have- a regular hotel room with limited dining options.  Ben appears to be on a bit of a hunger strike, Su Min is a bottomless pit, and Tom and I alternate between loving the Chinese food and feeling kind of sick from the change in our diets. 

Tomorrow we will take the 2 hour bullet train ride to Xinyang City, apply for Su Min's passport and visit the orphanage and hopefully the spot he was found as well.  Then we have two days of free time while we wait for passports before flying to Guangzhou, where the U.S. Consulate is.  

Interesting side note, while there were 2,000 China-U.S. adoptions in 2013, the average Chinese person is not aware these adoptions exist.  In a country of 1.3 billion (1 our of every 5 people on this planet is Chinese) 2,000 is pretty small. Last year there were about 100,000 domestic adoptions in China, so again, we a big number in some ways but small in the life of everyday China.  At the notary office today, a man followed me, taking a video of me on his I-phone while I walked with the boys. Back when we got Ben, I blogged about the women who stopped our guide in Xinyang to ask her why we had Ben with us. 

For now, both boys are napping and in a few hours we are going to take a walk over the park.  Just a normal day 2 as a family of 4!

The Day We Became 4.

At 9:30 a.m., we joined up in the lobby with the three other families from our agency.  One family lives in China and has been fostering their son, so they were only along to do the paperwork.  The other two families would be getting their kids that day with us.  Two of the families have older kids (4 kids and 3 kids) so Ben was and continues to be just ecstatic to play with them and over the moon when they shower attention on him. Our guide Rita met us and we went by coach bus to the Civil Affairs Office of Zhengzhou, capital of the Henan province. This was the same exact trip we made with Ben, to the same place, so it all felt familiar and completely different all at once.  It was on the way over that Tom realized I never put them memory card in the nice camera (perfect) and my phone was at 15% power (even better).  Failure as Su Min's parents already! Luckily Tom's camera was fulled charged (of course).

For some reason, I expected Su Min to be there already.   He was not, but another family's little girl was and everyone was in a flurry to take pictures and video of them.  In the next 30 minutes the other family's little girl came with her foster mother.  That was VERY hard to watch as the little girl literally screamed and tried to leap out of her new mom's arms to get back to the foster mom.  The new mom came prepared with a bottle of formula and within 10 minutes her new daughter was quiet in her arms with the bottle.

 So then it was just us waiting, just like with Ben last time.  We waited, and waited, and waited. I wondered if they missed the train, if he was ill and could not travel, if for some reason we could not adopt him.  Then finally a van pulled up. Tom looked out the door and clapped his hands and smiled at me to say, "it's him!" Ben and I stood in the center of the room holding hands, everyone quiet around us, and in he came in the arms of the director.  She brought him to me and I was not sure if I should immediately take him or not. I did and  he almost immediately started to cry.  I tried handing him a toy car but no luck, so I held and rocked him for a minute as he cried.  Then  I reached into my pocket, pulled out a sucker and showed it to him- he let me touch it to his lips and then opened his mouth and he was quiet, head on my shoulder.  I just held and swayed him, trying to not make any sudden moves, and I could hear Tom talking to Ben- despite all our planning, Ben was upset.  After about 10 minutes, Ben started to bawl.  I sat down on the floor with both my boys, and then Su Min started to bawl because Ben was crying.  So there I was, on the floor of the Civil Affairs Office with two bawling boys, and I thought briefly, "what the heck have I done?"  After a minute, I reminded Ben that he had brought puffs for Su Min, and where were they? My sweet boy perked up, wiped his tears and ran to get the puffs.  He brought them back and immediately, eyes still red, tried to give his brother puffs.  My Ben.  Then he ran to our bag and got the truck for Evan and dumped it in his lap and got out his own truck and began to play.  And that was that!

While I was with the boys, Tom was completing paperwork and giving our gifts and donations to the director.  She mentioned to him that Su Min gets motion sickness.  He forgot to tell me until poor Su Min was sick all over me and him on the ride back to the hotel.  Poor kiddo.  We mopped ourselves up as best we could, then when we got into the room he was totally fine with letting me wipe down and change him.  I then brought him over to the toys and he immediately began to explore.  He threw a block, I said , Whoa! and we got our first smile and laugh!  I somewhat regretted it later and he began to chuck die cast cars everywhere and laugh, but it was amazing all the same to see those smiles.


It is 5:37 a.m. here now, so everyone managed to sleep through the night.  We will see what the next day brings. At this moment, I am feeling very grateful.

Pictures from our morning:

 This was a play area inside the mall we walked to- this was a second floor outdoor area- Ben played in this "sandbox"- I think it was buckwheat? and jumped in the bounce house. It was about $1.50 to play in each.

 

Across the way was a baby massage shop which I could not get a picture of- this was something I had never seen before but it was literally babies and toddlers getting all manner of massages- pretty interesting. Below are some latest fashions- note the quilted overalls and the split pants.

Below is the "sidewalk" that is actually like a road just for scooters, and anyone like us who needs to risk their life to walk somewhere. 

When we came back to our room we saw cribs waiting outside the rooms of the other families arriving today...

Ben's special gift I had been saving to give him today was the Mack Truck from Disney Cars- I gave it to him this morning and laughed he was so happy- in fact, 10 minutes into playing with it he said, "Mommy, I'm so happy!"  When we were at the mall, we came across some not quite authentic mack trucks with Sally and Bernolli inside.  As I was already having images of the boys fighting over Ben's new truck, Ben (and Evan) also scored two additional mack trucks.  This is all the packaging it came in.

We are here!  It was a LONG journey - 15 hour flight with a 1:15 am take off, 7 hour layover, 2 hour flight, then 1 hour taxi ride - but we made it.  There was nothing more assuring than seeing the agency's guide waving our agency's flag as we got to baggage claim. We have a different guide this time but she is just as wonderful as our first.

Our timing worked out pretty well with the flights and jet lag- we were are able to sleep through the night (until 5:00 am anyway) China Time so hopefully we will be in sync by the time we meet our little boy tomorrow.

We received 2 pages of info about Su Min- he seems a bit more reserved than we first thought.  We also found out the name of his "best friend" and it is none other than the little boy of someone who we met via Facebook, also from Illinois, who is coming to adopt him in the next few months.

Today we will be checking out the giant two story mall in the morning and meeting the three other adoptive families in the afternoon.  One is traveling with 5 kids and another with 3 kids, so we will definitely be a sight when we are all together.

One day to go!

Is Ben coming?

This is definitely the first question everyone asks.  And the answer is, "Yes!"  First, I could not imagine him being away from me for 2 weeks.  I honestly think it would impact our relationship for a very long time and he would lose some trust in me not easily gained back. He is too young to understand "two days" let alone "two weeks." Second, we are counting on him to show Evan he can trust us to care for him.  We have heard that bringing other children tends to make the newest child attach more quickly.  Ben is So excited for his brother. He sets a place at the table for him, wants to buy "one for Evan" no matter what we are buying, and lights up whenever he sees his photo.  I have no doubt our transition is going to be a rocky one, but we are hoping we have set a good stage for Ben as to what is about to happen.

So yes, he is with us, and he did really, really well on the 15 hour flight.  Now we are in the middle of a 7 hour layover, and in about 3 hours we will be on our way to Zhengzhou. We just caved and bought a small $6 lego set for Ben.  We are hoping he does not completely lose it when we get on another plane shortly.

Ten things we know about Evan Su Min (Zai Zai)

1. He was very, very likely born on September 3, 2012. He was a healthy 7 pound boy. He was turning over at 3 months old and sitting at 6 months old.

2. He lives in the Henan Province.

3. He has his cleft lip repaired in Beijing when he was 7 months old. He has an unrepaired cleft palate.

4. At one year old, he loved to climb and would climb everywhere to get a toy he wanted. If music was on, he liked to sway along. He was imitating words, mama and baba. He was eating noodles, steamed eggs, fresh fruit and rice porridge.

5.  By 16 months, he was able to walk slowly (to get toys he wanted). :) If there was a nanny sitting down, he would make his way over to sit in her lap, and push others away if they wanted to sit.  He liked to walk around holding his nanny's hand.

6.  At 20 months he was reported to be very good at sharing his toys and comforting crying children. HE would happily touch his head when praised, and could say several words such as mom, aunt, etc.

7. At 22 months, we found out he goes home in the evenings with a foster family.  We heard this, "when his foster mom is looking for something, Su Min will find the item for his foster mom, when eating, Su Min will stuff food in his foster mother’s mouth, asking his foster mom to eat with him. When his foster mom takes him outdoors, Su Min will walk by himself in the front, looking back at his foster mom once in a while with a
smile that seems to say I am walking faster than you." He is speaking in 2 word phrases.

8. They call him Zai Zai.

9. Someone who met him last week called him a bright, smart, sunny boy.

10. We cannot wait to be his family.

Part II - Evan

Hello again!  We decided to pick up on our first blog since we are on our way back to China.

We decided to begin the adoption process again in July 2013.  Our dossier was logged in to China just following the Chinese New Year and 3 weeks later we received a phone call with our little boy's file and immediately said YES!

Su Min, July 2014

It was a long and painful paperwork wait on the front end, but thankfully things sped up near the end and now we are almost there!!

One of my dear Polish adoptive families just announced that today is the year anniversary of the day their adoption was finalized in Poland.  It hit me like a truck because this family and we hoped that we would be in Poland for our second trips together.  Then it seemed like we may travel first, then November came and our life felt apart.

When I think of the early months of 2012 the only thing I feel is darkness. Emptiness. Silence.  While the world rushed passed us, we just mourned our lost Polish adoption, all while hanging on to a thread of hope that K. may be our son after all, and at the same time wishing he would not be removed from another placement, for his sake.  There were so many thoughts, so much grief, so much waiting and so few answers.   I was so numb.  The baby items in our home haunted us.

Would I have ever thought that in a short year I would be SO FULL of joy, that our life would be so full of promise and thanksgiving? It must be the way a woman feels after childbirth, somehow, all the pain, all the months of months of waiting for one thing or another were gone the moment we had Ben in our arms.  It was like nothing at all. No big deal. I would do it all over again in a second, all the loss, the deep, profound loss of K. to another family, the days when I thought I could not make it through without knowing if K. would be ours or not, the brutal waiting, I would do it all again knowing it has lead us here.

Another week gone already?

I can't believe how time is flying by, and that January is already almost gone.  The days and weeks home with Ben are passing by with a blink of the eye. This past week we skipped our first Gymboree class as to not pass on our cold, but by Friday we were indeed healthy for the "baby shower" at Tom's office.

It was really fun to celebrate Ben with this type of celebration, as all our baby showers were several years ago.  They had a really neat little party for us, with a DELICIOUS homemade cake decorated with a snake for "the year of the snake" and some great decorations including "Benjamin" confetti!  Of course, I remembered Ben but forgot the camera... but, it was really nice to meet so many wonderful people.  Tom has a pretty sweet work environment!

In addition to some fun bath toys we received a generous giftcard to Target. This was so perfect because in the past few weeks we have seen Ben quickly grow out of most of the toys we have for him.  At the Children's museum last week he fell in love with a play kitchen, so we ordered one for him yesterday from Target, as well as play food and a small children's table and chairs.

Ben also surprised us by expressing his desire for a future career in Cirque Du Soleil when I caught him doing this with a Christmas gift from his Babcia and Dziadzia (Tom's parents):

Last week we also took a trip to Buy Buy Baby to buy a shower gift for a friend as well as pick up new bottles for Ben.  In China, we tried to transition Ben to the bottles we brought, but he was having none of it.  The nipples of the two bottles were very different.  By the time we got to Guangzhou, we were operating only on the the bottle Ben's orphanage gave us, so when we saw a similar bottle at a local store, we bought it.  We have been operating on those two bottle ever since.  Well, even though we have to be off bottle by surgery time, I couldn't take another day of using Ben's very old special bottle that I am pretty sure was leaching out some type of plastic toxins-the shine was completely gone from the plastic and the numbers and pictures on the side were rubbing off with each wash. Unfortunately, I  am pretty sure we left our bottles in Zhengzhou by mistake, because when I was packing for our trip home, there were no bottles to be found.  So this week, we bought two more, and hilariously  Ben switched over to the new bottles without incident! I have packed away his sweet bottle from the orphanage, there was no way I could just throw that away. I know you are thinking, "Isn't 15 months old too old for a bottle anyway?" But in adoption world, feeding baby-style, like rocking in a rocker making eye contact while giving your toddler a bottle, is an awesome way to build attachment with your little person, as you focus on making all that important eye contact and deep gazing during this quiet time.  Ben LOVES his bottle time.

Old and New

On Saturday we had our family photos taken at Lincoln Park Conservatory by Holly Daly. http://hollydalyphotos.wordpress.com/ It was great to give business to a another mom, and it turned out that Holly was a social worker and worked for an adoption agency in the recent past.  Needless to say, we had plenty to talk about.  Pictures to come in about a week.  Ben was more interested in walking, walking, walking than posing, so whatever she got, I'll take!!

Today (Sunday) we discovered a package that came for Ben the evening prior from Grandma and Papa (my parents)- Ben was very excited!!!  My mom has been saying that Ben does not have enough toys, which I disagreed with at first, until every toy became more of a baby toy and he started spending more time with anything EXCEPT his toys:

Look at this!

Cookware for the future kitchen!!

He loves things with lids!!

Then he saw the dog!

Hitting his tea cups together in excitement when he sees the dog move, then he pulls it himself.

Lastly, I spent the time during Ben's naps this week working on this little "video" of Ben's adoption.  Watching the videos of our first days with Ben, I just can't believe how much he has changed in one short month and a few weeks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_xdLjYnLJ8&feature=youtu.be

 Our plans for this week include our gymboree class, homemade edible fingerpaint, making something similar to this: http://handsonaswegrow.com/toddler-activity-pipe-cleaner-sprinkles/, and who knows what else?

In the development area, Ben's fine motor skills continue to impress me (today he stacked 5 blocks on top of each other with out knocking them over!).  He is walking well, and also loving to "crawl" around like this on his feet and hands, which he finds HILARIOUS!

His large motor seems to be on track as well.  His speech is interesting, he definitely calls for me as "Mama" now, often repeatedly if I am out of the room. I am listening more carefully to his "babbles" because I find often he trying very hard to repeat exactly what I say, and is saying "dada", "yes", "milk", "bottle", "vacuum", "dog", "grr", "moo", "meew" and so much more. I am not focusing on correcting his language until after his palate surgery, as I don't want him to try to make too many sounds by compensating for his open palate.  As far as understanding what WE say, he blows my mind.  I am realizing he understands about 95% of what we say to him. In just ONE month, he has essentially picked up comprehension of an entire language. It is unbelievable.  A few months post surgery, we will sign up for an assessment from Early Intervention just to make sure we are on track with speech.

And best of all, we get these sweet smiles all day long!

Well, no posts because we really do not have much going on! Tom is not around to assist in photo taking, so we don't have as many pictures! We have been keeping busy, going to story time at our local toy store Play, continuing to introduce Ben to our friends, etc.

Our friend Sara made this sweet toy for Ben:

Ben and I went to brunch this weekend with our friends Kim, Sarah and Sarah's daughter Gigi- I learned that Ben will sit happily and enjoy his breakfast (2 pancakes, eggs and some yogurt) as long as there is a kid next to him and plenty of people to return his waves...

We also went to Chinatown for dinner, and learned that Ben really is more a go to out brunch kid.. needless to say, I ate dinner from the take out container once we got home....

We also went to the Children's Museum at Navy Pier to visit a friend we met at church who is leaving TOMORROW to bring their son home from China too!  We are so darn excited for them.

Needless to say, with all this action we eventually came down with mild colds, but are on the road to recovery. Good thing, because we are going to a baby shower at Tom's work on Friday, and Saturday we are having family pictures taken!

Enough talk, here are some pictures:

 This Nordstrom bag that his shoes came in is a current favorite toy. 

This kid LOVES oatmeal!!

 With his sucker from Chinatown

Third favorite toy- his mini Dyson.  Second favorite toy, the actual Dyson. Loves to vacuum.  We say goodnight to the vacuum at night..

And he's off!!

This Sunday we went to visit Tom's Babcia, and Ben surprised me by walking the length of her house without so much as a pause.  We then went to my parent's house, and he was just walking everywhere.  So it was not TOO much of a surprise today when Ben REALLY took off walking: 

And he was thrilled!

He just walked and laughed, laughed and babbled as around the flat he went...

And he's off!!

He finally took a break to explore the bathroom further...

including flushing the toilet repeatedly...sorry dad....

Also on January 14, 2012:

We went grocery shopping...

Why does my milk have to stay in the fridge?

And later on, we made homemade graham crackers!!!

That's it folks!!