Since we left China

Well, we made it.  We prepared for 21 hours of horrific travel but we were both pleasantly surprised.

First our van ride to the Hong Kong airport only took 2.5 hours. After we found out Evan gets carsick, we tried to find airline tickets but had no luck.  Sure enough, he was sick about 30 minutes in, and spent about 1.5 hours slumped in Tom's lap.  It was really heartbreaking because he looked EXACTLY the same as he did the day he was put in my arms.  I realized at that moment that on that special day for us, Evan had been woken up early, dressed, hugged and kissed goodbye by a million people, probably tearfully, then driven probably 4-5 hours, gotten car sick and been handed over to "Mama" a total stranger who did not speak his language.  I did not mention it before, but he was sick all over him and myself on our way back to the hotel that day.  What a miserable, horrific, terrible day it must have been for him.

And all this for a 2 year old.  I remember Ben at his second birthday so clearly.  He knew the names of 30+ Thomas trains, he had friends, he was putting together small jigsaw puzzles.  He had foods liked and did not, he had songs he loved and things that made him laugh. He loved us, he loved his grandparents, he had an entire life

All that Evan lost in 1 day.  And yet, somehow, he has survived.  It is hard to believe we have been together less than a month, home less than a week. He understands so much of what we say.  He is quick to smile at all of us.  He is started to walk around the house like it is his.  He is changing every day and every day we are coming to know him more. Yesterday he stated washing himself with a washcloth in the tub and it took my breath away.  It was something he always was able to do but I just never knew.  He knows Tom and I and trusts us.  He will never wander more than 10 feet from us without holding out his hand for us to come with.  And finally, he wants to do EVERYTHING his big brother does.

We are struggling with sleep a bit but it is getting better every day.  We originally had the boys in the same room but had to make an emergency change, moving Evan to the playroom borrowing a gliding chair from my mom and converting the crib into a toddler bed so we could lay his sleeping body down without disturbing him too much.

We have plans ahead, visiting the pediatrician next week for a full check up bloodwork etc followed by an appointment with out plastic surgeon to talk about cleft palate surgery and visit to the ENT to see if he needs tubes as well.  We also have plans for birthday parties, a wedding, family pictures and play dates.  Just like in China, when he bored, he brings us our shoes, ready for a walk outside or something more.

We are also struggling with sibling rivalry, mommy exhaustion and overall frustration when we cannot communicate more than our limited English and the new signs Evan knows. We still have surgery and a lot of speech therapy ahead before those issues will be resolved. Our organized life routine has been upset and we are working to build a new one.  The nights are hard, but when it it is 10:00am and I am pushing that double stroller to the park, life feels so very RIGHT.  囍  Double Happiness. 

We Are Coming Home

And we are terrified.
Our  new son, well, he isn't found of anything that restrains him, unless of course, he wants to be, like in relaxing stroller rides.  Our two hour long flight to GZ included him screaming through about 30 minutes of it--- extrapolate to a 15 hour flight and that makes -- about 4 hours of screaming?  I thought I was being a worrywart when Tom said to me today, "Ok, so let's just face the facts- this flight is going to suck.  So let's make a pact to not worry about anyone on the plane but ourselves."  

OK, when TOM CHLEBEK says something like this, you know you are in trouble.

Apparently the planes keeps flying regardless of screaming children.  So, see you in Chicago!

A few pics I missed:

First ice cream

Making mom a coffee

First time playing in buckwheat- he liked it.

No, I don't want him forever!!

On our way to Evan

 Funny boys selfie

Glimpses of love..

Happy Birthday, Mr. Wu

Today our little boy turned 2!!  We spent the morning at the U.S. Consulate taking the final steps to obtain Evan's visa to come home.  His visa and related documents to ensure his U.S. citizenship on entrance to the U.S. will be ready tomorrow afternoon.  The U.S. Consulate is a brand new building, different from the one we went to with Ben.  It was modern, beautiful and unmistakably bunker-like, a low building with small windows and lots of metal.

We then headed back to the hotel, ordered noodles from room service (no more eating out for a LONG time for this family) and boys napped.  After nap, we headed over to Shamian Island.  Shamian Island was a French territory in the 19th century and it is still evident from the buildings left behind. We went over to do a little shopping and hopefully snap some cute pictures of the birthday boy, but he would not surrender his bottle:

On our return to the hotel there was a surprise waiting for us in our hotel room- a cake, candles and card for "Mr. Wu." We cracked up.  Evan's old last name was Wu.  We realized it was probably the first and last time he would be addressed as Mr. Wu.

We pulled out our presents for him then and had a little party. We had asked our guide to tell him earlier that it was his birthday and he seemed to know exactly what was going on.  It was so wonderful.

Our adoptive friend Krista recommended this bunny and he loves it (Krista, we ended up getting the Allilo brand instead of Mibo). It sings and speaks in Mandarin.

Happy Birthday darling boy!!! You have filled our hearts and home so fast!!  We love you!!!!!

Adding to my last post regarding Evan's cuteness, I forgot to mention when he wants to leave the hotel room he brings us all our shoes!  First he puts his on, then brings us each ours!  Ohh the cuteness!

We also found out on adoption day that he was both part of our agency's sponsorship program and the organization Half The Sky's program. Half the Sky is one of the oldest nonprofits working in China since 1998 to enrich the lives of children in orphanages through caregiver training and other support. We knew Xinyang had a Half the Sky room and we were HOPING Evan was part of it.  We received about 20 pages of journal/writing about him (which we need to have translated) and lots of pictures, including precious baby pictures.

This morning when he woke up, I was already in the living room.  I suddenly heard little feet padding along and out of bedroom he strolled, smiling happily. This meant he scaled the pack n play and climbed onto the bed, then off the bed. I am glad our big pieces of furniture are secured to walls!

Today we hit up a big shopping wall with another family and our guide, and that was about it.  We picked out a few neat toys for the boys and that was it, though if I not have a strong preference for the boys not to eat out of plastic they would have about a million cool food and drink containers. 

Tomorrow is our consulate appointment, where we will take the final steps to get Evan's visa to enter the U.S.  The visa then will be issued in 24-48 hours and we can come home!!!  I am looking forward to showing our sweet boy his home, family and after we conquer jet lag, spending time with our family and having some playdates!!!!!

Guangzhou

Well, we made it to Guangzhou on Saturday.  We used our Marriott points to upgrade to a spacious 1 bedroom suite and it has made a huge difference, giving us all some room to spread out.  We can also eat raw vegetables in the hotel which was not recommended in Zhengzhou.  Our first meal here I ate a BIG delicious Greek salad. :)

The two hour flight was great when the boys were asleep for the first hour.  Then the food came and Evan wanted my bun, Tom's bun, and Ben's (before he made taken more than a bite of one). We had to draw the line at Ben's which resulted in a complete breakdown until the attendant had pity on us (and her own ears) and brought us out another which appeased him.  He also screamed the whole descent, but I think it was in part due to his ears, which broke my heart. He was so upset he wold not drink his bottle or suck on his sucker.  Ben did not need ear tubes, which is unusual for a child with cleft, but I think tubes are in our future here.  I hope our 15 hour flight home goes better...

Evan is coming out on his shell even more here and just loves to smile, laugh and climb! He is really such a gift to our family.  I love looking at the four us and realizing THIS is now our family. He is learning so much, so fast.  He loves brushing his teeth, putting on his own shoes, trying to feed and dress himself, work the I-phone, look at books, play with cars, etc. He also loves to hide anywhere and have us find him. He smiles and holds his arms out to me when we wakes up from sleeping. He gets concerned if one of us is missing.  It's the sweetest.

Out transition has also been smoother than I expected because Evan LOVES Tom. Often he prefers him!  To Tom, this is his life's greatest victory.  He had actually been joking before we left that he was going to make  Evan love him more than me.  (As we know, Ben has a pretty strong attachment to me).  It is so beautiful to see them together.

Yesterday morning we went to do some city touring and our family situation compared to the other families was pretty evident.  While they enjoyed leisurely shopping and sightseeing, we chased and cajoled two toddlers in the blazing heat and humidity and laughed through our exhaustion.  They both have older kids and are adopting slightly younger, calmer, less mobile little girls.

Unfortunately, despite all my Clorox wiping and hand washing and sanitizing, last night Ben and I came down with colds.  So today, Tom is taking Evan to his medical appointment at the U.S. Consulate (requirement for all adoptive kids) and I am giving Ben some extra mom time.  As hard as it was to let them go alone, I do know that I plenty of time to be with Evan for the rest of our lives, and Ben needs quiet and mom.

Here are some pictures:

Throwing money

Day 4 - The Day My Son Had a Coke, and Day 5

Su Min's current life priorities are, in this order:

1. FOOD
2. Drink
3. Baba (Daddy) or Mommy depending on his mood
4. Ben

Even though he is weighing in at a healthy 26 pounds, food is his #1 priority, likely because he never chose when it was time to eat.  For now, we let him have whatever he wants, hoping that in time he know there is always food around if he needs it. We brought a lot of healthy snacks with us, and our reserves are just about depleted. If he hears a wrapper crinkling, he is next to you asking to be picked up to see what you are doing.  If he sees anyone anywhere eating, he starts to go crazy until you find him something too.

Once he has something in hand, he loves to walk, explore, throw stuff, jump on all of us and generally be barrels on fun.  He loves to mimic both actions and words, like throwing his hands up when we say, "Where's Ben?" or hitting himself in the face to be funny. He has already learned the signs for "eat" and "more".  He is making a LOT of sounds for still having an open palate, which is exciting at this point, and yesterday was helping me blow on his hot food, which is a great first step for later speech therapy.

Anyway, yesterday the group decided they wanted to go to the aquarium.  I have pretty strong feelings about aquariums and zoos, but Tom pretty much insisted we tag along as the other alternative was sitting in the hotel room all day. On the way back from the aquarium the group wanted to stop for lunch.  Of course, 12:30pm/naptime with two toddlers, all of my internal alarms were sounding-WARNING WARNING - TODDLER MELTDOWN - but we went along with the group's request.  Luckily they found us a private room, and after the longest 15 minute wait some food came out-- and Su Min went insane.  Screaming, crying, reaching for something.  I got him fried rice, he batted it away. I offered the only other food out, noodles, he batted it away.  I offered water, by then he was arching his back, hysterical.  A mom from across the table said, "I think he wants the coke."  Well at this point, I did what you do in China- I accepted the coke from the other family.  I poured it all out in 4 little glasses until just a little was left and handed him the can.  He swatted it away still screaming and reached for the glass. I drank half and handed it to him, and he chugged the glass down.  There is no question, my son knows what Coke is and apparently loves it. Our little man is also DEFINITELY used to getting everything he wants!!

 Feeding fish from a baby bottle.

 Snoozed.

Feeding lettuce to the turtles. 

Otherwise, things are good-  Tom and another dad made the 20 minute walk to Pizza Hut last night for 10 carry out pizzas.  According to their report, they were laughed and pointed at the whole walk back. One women offered to take them on her scooter which they politely declined. We had a pizza party in the hallway then, and today went to the park this morning.  We are definitely a sight and many people took photos of us or asked to pose with us, especially all the American kiddos in our group.

 The park actually has rides inside for about $1.50 a ride- this is right before Ben changed his mind :)

 No playground, but adult exercise equipment. 

 He LOVES the stroller, wants to ride around all day.

We are struggling a little having a new brother, we wanted mom to carry 

us in the carrier instead of Evan. 

Tomorrow we leave for Guangzhou!

This may not post neatly to blogger, but I am having trouble connected to our VPN and blogger is blocked in China.  Today we went and applied for Su Min’s passport AND visited the Children’s Welfare Institute where he lived until Monday.  In the Henan province, children must go back to their home city to apply for their passports.  The other families’ children lived a shorter distance, so they had all gone the previous afternoon.   We need his passport to fly to the next city and then home.

So our family and our guide met at 7:30am to take the 30 minute cab drive and 1.5 hour bullet train ride to Xinyang City.  The orphanage officer who had brought Su Min to us was there at the train to meet us, and took us to the office to apply for the passport.  The office had recently moved, otherwise this would have been the same place we went with Ben.  I will just say that as a family of 4  We. Are. Chaos.  Discipline or whatever you would call it is a huge issue currently because 1. We are literally stared at everywhere we go, so you would rather the people already staring at you not see you giving your Chinese kid the evil eye or putting them in time out. 2.  Ben is of course struggling so we are trying to be VERY VERY patient (ASKING FOR GRACE FOR MYSELF!) and to really be there for him 3. Does anyone have kids who 

are thrilled to visit the DMV, etc etc and sit in trains, buses and cars all day?    

After the completed the application, on our request, we went to Children’s Welfare Institute.  It was, like most buildings in China it seems, a high rise with outdoor walkways on each level.  People do orphanage visits all kinds of ways, many wear their child in a carrier so that no one (i.e. nanny) can pull them from their arms.  While I had the carrier with us, I just couldn’t do it.  Su Min has been adjusting really well, and I knew there could still be an issue of him not wanting to come back with us, but from reading many, many families experiences, I knew it would be OK.

Just like with Ben, we were hardly out of the car when someone took Su Min from me and walked ahead talking to him and kissing him.  We walked upstairs with them and just like with Ben (though Ben is not from here) nannies gathered and passed him around like a hot potato, asking him to say their names and then laughing and kissing him when he replied.  A point, someone tried to hand him to me and he cried.  A wave of panic came over me, but I let it ride.  The nannies were eager for our guide to translate to us his likes and dislikes. Another nanny told me that she was the one who loaded the flash drive with pictures and had written the corresponding note (our flash drive came back to us with him on Monday). Then someone asked him who Baba was and he pointed to Tom and smiled, then they asked who Mama was and still smiling he pointed to me.  Cheers erupted from everyone and I was SO GRATEFUL for that moment.  

We asked to see his bed and they took us back into another room.  The situation there was not glamourous and might look pretty dire in pictures, but there were a lot of nannies and a LOT of love. At this point we were in a room where lunch was being prepared and it looked like the kids were fed in their cribs in an adjacent room as the food was brought around. Previously our guide and the orphanage officer had separately asked me why we were not adopting a girl, to which I had answered, “Next time.” J It is hard to request a girl hen there are so may boys waiting, At that point the officer brought out a little girl and told me they had just started preparing her file for adoption if I wanted to have her too! I laughed and said yes! If only it was that easy.

We asked about a little boy who is being adopted in a few weeks (I had met his family on Facebook) and they wanted me to know that they are good friends.  I asked if we could take a photo and told them the boys would live in the same city in the U.S. and they were so excited, telling each other and smiling and talking.

In the background there was a woman crying.  The officer explained to our guide this woman and the other nanny we had met took special care of Su Min.  I wanted more than anything to just hug her but it felt presumptuous.  I did my best to smile, ask questions, take their advice about Su Min’s preferences and to sneakily pull out snacks to bribe Su Min back with.  We were not there long at all when we had to leave to catch the train back. Su Min saw that bag in my hand so he did not cry when someone finally handed him back to me, and I received sounds of approval from the nannies.

As we walked out down the long corridor, I turned back to them and said thank you in Mandarin.  I don’t even know if I could have found the right words to say to them if I spoke more than 3 words of Mandarin, and I hoped they wouldn’t somehow be offended by my thanks.  But they just smiled at me and nodded through their tears, and I knew they knew what I was trying to say.  They were such a picture there that I never wanted to forget, nodding their heads to me, and I looked back again, and said it again, this time my eyes swimming with tears too.  Their job is not an easy one, whether children leave or stay, they must carry some heartache for every one of them, for different reasons.

So we left.  There was a 2 hour commute back to the hotel with two cranky toddlers who had no real naps. Needless to say, they and Tom were asleep by 7:45pm and that is why I am in the hotel restaurant with a drink, making sure we never forget this day and all the love our spunky firecracker received from Xinyang City CWI,