At 6:40 a.m. this morning we received our PDF copy of the confirmation that our I-800 approval has been cabled to the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China.  Our agency’s staff in China should be dropping off our paperwork today or tomorrow, to be picked up in 2 weeks.  A day or two after that (Nov 9?, Nov 12?) We will begin our wait for Travel Approval! The wait is 1-3 weeks, with the average being 14 days. 

What could be in this precious envelope?  I think it is.....

Our I-800 approval!!!  Our USCIS officer continues to be the nicest lady ever.   I called to check on it yesterday and she said, "I put it in the mail yesterday!" We are still on track to leave sometime in December.  We are just waiting on our PDF copy of our NVC letter (should be sometime next week), then our agency will drop off the letter at the US Embassy with Ben's visa application and our LOA, and two weeks later our agency will go back and pick up our Article 5, and bring THAT to the CCCWA who will gives us Travel Approval 1-3 weeks later!

People often call birth and adoption “miracles.”  In some senses, neither seems like a miracle because we know how it comes about.  But in another way, no matter how many friends I see have children, every pregnancy, and every new life I hold in my arms seems nothing short of amazing, unbelievable, miraculous.

When you think about what adoption is, what is REALLY is, it just completely blows my mind.  People say to me all the time, “Why do you have to wait so long? What’s with all the paperwork? This is ridiculous; they should just give you the kid.”  But to me, the paperwork really makes sense.  This is a LIFE at stake.  A HUMAN BEING.  Frankly, I can’t believe there isn’t more paperwork.  I can’t believe someone doesn’t camp out with us for the first week to make sure we’re ok.  When you give birth, obviously, you get first dibs on the child. You created it, for heaven’s sake, it’s yours. But with adoption, there is a whole series of events that turns into, “Listen, we’ve got this child, and there is no one right now who can claim this child as their family.  We’ve checked around China, and we have caregivers for this child, but no family.  So, if you want, we will hand this child over to you, and you can be his family. Forever. For better or worse, no matter what, he will no longer be our responsibility, he will be yours.” And you do some paperwork, and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security says, “Well, this child is not biologically yours, but, we’ve reviewed this paperwork from China and the U.S., and if you want, we will consider the child your immediate relative. Your son.  From the moment you step foot in this country with him, he is your son, your responsibility. Forever.”  A child you have never laid eyes on, never touched, never heard the sound of his voice. 

And you go to China, and you are handed a child.  A HUMAN LIFE.  A scared and confused human life. That’s it. There are days of formalities, and then it’s done, and you are on a flight back to the U.S.

It is just the most UNBELIEVABLE, amazing, miraculous series of events.

I don’t believe that Ben was "destined" to be my son. I don't believe God planned all this. To believe that, I would need to believe his family was destined to not have the means to care for him, and I don’t believe that God plans pain and suffering. Humans have created this messed-up world over thousands of years.  But I am grateful for love, love created by God, the love of many that gave us this process and is giving Ben a family. Our family, three people created in Christ's image.  And it doesn't mean that Ben is not already flesh of my flesh through love.  It doesn't mean that already, without ever touching him, I would climb heaven and earth to keep him safe.

People have said to me, “I just couldn't do it.  I couldn’t care for a child that wasn't mine biologically.” I usually tell them to take a look at their spouse, or their best friend.  After 10 years, I am not sure where my husband ends and I start. Our hearts are bound together tighter than I ever could have imagined.  Together we ten times better than our individual selves.  We definitely have our own personalities and even different reasons for being democrats :), but at the end of the day, for everything that matters, we are one heart, created solely out of love, no biology needed.  It just makes sense to bring another living being into our fold of love, biological or not.  For whatever reason, whatever experiences I have had in my life, adoption seems like the most logical way to build my family.

And now, I have finally crossed the threshold between anxious waiting and happy waiting.  We are just three weeks away from the wait for travel approval and hopefully 7 weeks away from traveling!  My pregnant friends say they are so tired of strangers asking them about their pregnancies.  But when you have no pregnant belly, you just want to walk around with a photo, saying to people, “Ask me about my son! Because I am going to be a mom!!” 

LOA!!!!

Thursday afternoon I received the best e-mail of my life- our LOA arrived at our agency, 68 days after we received pre-approval  to adopt Ben!  Our agency told us to expect 90-120 days, but (unfortunately for my psyche last week) I realized via a Facebook group I joined and the popular China adoption "Rumor Queen" website that lately these have been coming in much faster. After weeks of obsessing other people's "stats", I realized last week that there was a chance ours may come that week.  All week I checked my e-mail hourly (even though my phone beeps when I have an e-mail..) and checked the Facebook group about every 20 minutes to see who had received theirs.

By Wednesday I was a mess.  Instead of thinking, "well, ours should be here soon.."  I kept thinking, "There is something wrong with our paperwork. No, our paperwork is lost. We will wait for 120 days.  No, we made a mistake.  No, THEY made a mistake. Maybe someone else is adopting Ben. This is never going to happen."  Everyday began and ended with a backache, headache, neck ache.  I couldn't sleep but was exhausted all day.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Then Thursday, at about 2:00p.m., an e-mail with the subject line:"Your LOA is HERE!!!!!"  I broke down into crazy sobs, and now, well, I feel like a million dollars! We are going to Ch*na in about 2 months, most likely in December! Knock on wood, we will home before Christmas!  I feel like someone has opened all the windows in my life and fresh air is filling my house.

So our hard copy LOA, actually called a "Letter Seeking Confirmation" arrived by FedEx yesterday, which we signed, confirming that yes, we would like to adopt Min Yong, and FedExed back to our agency with several other papers, including our I-800 application which they will hopefully FedEx to USCIS Monday.

SO, what's left in the next 2+ months?

1) The US Center for Immigration Services has to approve our I-800, or "Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative." This is immigration's approval to consider Ben our son.  He will be a U.S. citizen on entering U.S. soil. 

2) The approval is sent to the National Visa Center, who cables the approval to the consulate in Ch*na.

3) Our Article 5 letter is generated at the consulate, picked up by our agency's courier, and delivered to the government agency in Ch*na who handles all Ch*na adoptions.

4) Ch*na issues us Travel Approval.

5) We request a consulate appointment.  The appointment will take place at the end of our trip, so that date will determine when we travel.

In the meantime we may start making out some packing lists!

Three months ago

Three months ago today our dossier was mailed off to China.  So much has happened since then, we have so much to celebrate! I joined a Facebook group for individuals in the similar stages of adoption as us, and yesterday Moms and moms-to-be were discussing moon cakes.  The Chinese Mid Autumn Festival is coming up on September 30, and moon cakes are the treat de jour of this holiday.  I realized Tom and I had not been to Chinatown since we celebrated DTC, and we had never had any Chinese baked goods, so today we took a quick ride there:

I found this bakery, Chio Quon Bakery on Yelp, it appeared to be the go-to place for moon cakes and other Chinese treats:

What the website does not say is that every bakery item was between 80-90 cents. Heaven! We ended up getting a BBQ pork bun, a bean paste bun, a custard bun, a sesame ball, rice cake (for Tom, not my thing) and of course, two moon cakes, a lotus seed paste moon cake and a bean paste moon cake:

 The box- their cakes look awesome and we are definitely going back for one.

 Here are the cute little moon cakes.  They were very dense and sticky and reminded me of the Filipino desserts I have had.

The verdict? The lotus paste was delicious.  The bean paste? Well, by that time I had eaten a bean paste bun, so it didn't really do it for me, but we will going back for the lotus paste moon cakes for sure!!

We'll be going to the Moon Festival in Chinatown in the next 2 weeks and hopefully next year we'll go again, with Ben!

Happy Early Birthday Ben!

Last weekend we went to my brother and sister in law's house to celebrate my sister in law Ashley's birthday.  Ashley's daughter Reagan is 2 months younger than Ben, so we are counting on them being good friends.

My family surprised us by also having a birthday cake for Ben!  

Then after we all showered Ashley with our gifts for her, they surprised Tom and I with a birthday "shoebox" to send to Ben. Each person or family had added a toy to the shoe box for Ben's birthday.  My family has been our biggest cheerleaders and they are just THE BEST. The biggest hope I have for my kids is to end up with a family like mine (and my biggest challenge is going to be building that family!)

Admittedly,  can't bring myself to send the shoebox. I am keeping it home for Ben to play with here, his 1st birthday gift. 

Ironically enough, I had brought 2 signs for Ben's birthday "shoe box" I planned to send, one that says Min Yong Happy Birthday! and the other that says Min Yong We Love You!  I did get great pictures of Ben's cousins holding them, 

Tomorrow is day 52 of our LOA wait, I hoping with all my heart that it comes in the next 3 weeks, and maybe, maybe we can travel by Christmas.

Long time, no post. We are on LOA wait day 40, and have heard a lot of happy news from others in a similar paperwork situation receiving LOA around day 65 lately.  Of course, we could wait 125 days, who knows, but it has given me a lot of hope for faster travel than I thought.  Being home for Christmas would be incredible. 

Life has been pretty overwhelming lately, in a good way, but over whelming nonetheless.  I always imagined with our first it would be referral, hoopla, travel.  But we already had the hoopla over a year ago, and instead I have had to field a few, “so is this for real?” and “well, hopefully it all works out this time” and “I thought maybe you would try to have one of your own after what happened.”  Some relatives again are not thrilled with the adoption and don’t even bring it up when we see them, and no matter how much I try not to take it personally, I do. 

That part has not been easy, and my biggest sadness is in feeling in some way that some people may think my son is less my son because he did not come out of my uterus. I have been thinking of Jen Hatmaker’s post shared on Facebook about being ready to defend your child to the death, even before you have held them in your arms.  For some reason, to me, people asking me if I will ever try to conceive after finding out I am adopting, devalues my son and his place in our family as our perfect, first born son.  People tell me I should experience birthing a child and I want to tell them they should experience adoption, because I haven’t even completed one and I can already tell it’s the most awesome experience of my life.

Despite all this ironically enough, I have been so filled with this overwhelming joy and peace.  The world is bustling around me but I know this chapter of my life is about to end.   I will admit that with Poland I was happy, but I was extremely stressed, worried, and afraid.  Back then, I was really afraid of “messing up.”  It seemed like everyone around me was happy for K. to be our child, but they were all watching, holding their breath, just waiting for all of their negative expectations of adoption to come true.

Today, I don’t care.  I get a little angry (see above) about others’ reactions, but at the end of the day, I simply don’t care.  I have a family I love, who love Tom and me and can’t wait for Ben.  I have friends that are my family too, people who will have been there for us and will be forever.  Ben will be so loved by our closest circle, and nothing else matters besides.  The more you try to give, somehow, you end up getting it back tenfold, you know?  I feel like Tom and I have everything, and somehow, we get Ben too? How is this possible?  I try so hard (still need to try harder) to put myself out there for people, for anyone, to serve others, and somehow I still end up feeling like I have gotten so much more back than I ever gave away. 

Care Package Sent!

We finally sent a second care package to Ben on Monday.  The box cannot be bigger than a shoebox, and I must have become an expert on packing, because this package was $30  more to mail than the first one!  It felt strange to just send things to Ben, especially since he won’t know any better, so I added 3  tubes of Crabtree and Evelyn lotions labeled “for the nannies who take care of you”, jelly bellys with the same label, 2 packs of crayons labeled (I hope!) “for the older kids”, and 2 sweatshirts, socks, a mandarin kids’ book about colors, a toy phone and toy flashlight, all labeled, “to share with your friends”. Then I included a disposable camera with his name on it, and a ½ piece of photo paper, laminated, with his picture and pictures of us and the words “we love you” in mandarin. I also put in a picture of his new cousin, who is only 3 months apart in age from him.  IN the first care package, we included a soft album of photos, but I thought maybe they would let him hold this laminated piece of paper, or maybe hang it by his bed??  One can dream!

Finding ads and and finding the SWI

Let's begin with smiley boy:

I am leaving for San Francisco on Thursday for a week for work, and I am so happy to have something to make some days fly by, for a week anyway...

In more exciting news, last week we received the "finding ad" for Ben. In China, whenever a child is found abandoned, an article goes in the newspaper with their picture and information about where they were found.  There is an adoptive dad who will find your child's ad for you for a fee, and send you a copy of the original newspaper if he has one. Even though I was pretty sure I could eventually find the ad online, Mandarin is daunting, even with Google Translate, so I asked him to find this for us.  We now have our earliest picture of Ben, it looks like he is about a week old, all cute and smushed face like a newborn!

In addition, I was searching for any information about the SWI he is in.  Sometimes there are entire Yahoo groups dedicated to an SWI, but I couldn't find anything, until I found...something.  Two moms who have adopted from this SWI in the past year. I found out  it IS small, less than 10 kids, and I was told there were MANY loving nannies around! It makes sense now why he is sitting, crawling, and big and healthy, despite having a cleft lip for 6 months of his life and a cleft palate still.  One of the moms was able to visit the SWI, surprising because it is 3+ hours outside of the capital of Henan province, Zhengzhou, where we will meet Ben for the first time.  She was there in March, and said she may have picture of Ben... and she did! Another new picture!!  And more than anything, I am so happy to know someone is loving him.  The mom I met now e-mails updates about her son to the orphanage who loves to hear about her son.

Also today I went to Tiffany and exchanged our "M" Limoges china keepsake box (a gift from a friend at our shower) with a "B".  God bless Tiffany for exchanging it almost a year later, no questions asked.  The "B" is quite cute and is our first "personalized" item:

And as I have been desperately seeking things to do, I have begun this cute project which is turning out good.  I still haven't decided if I am doing "Ben's Room" or "Benjamin".  The maps are maps of China, so far I've done B:

And we continue to decorate the play room, I just did this cute border with oversized flashcards from Land of Nod:

And we wait, both for more news on our front and more news from our adoptive friends!

Today I mailed out our first care package, which felt GREAT! We found out that the orphanage would not be notified about us until just a few months before our trip to China, so receiving our package will let them know Xiao Yong, as they call him, (Little Yong) has parents!

We also received our notification that our application for a second extension of our I-800a approval has been received- I added to our STACK of notifications from USCIS over the years…. J  We found out the last time around, when we postponed our trip to Poland and Tom moved an already scheduled work flight to accommodate our fingerprint appointment, that our USCIS office would have allowed us to walk in for fingerprints before our appointment date. Would you ever have guessed? So this time, once we have the appointment form, we may try the walk in.

Yesterday we also received the copy of all of Min Yong’s paperwork from our agency.  All of the documents we had already seen, which included several medical reports and multiple development reports (after seeing all this, I can’t believe Poland sent me one piece of paper), but to our surprise there were 2 new pictures!!!  We received 5 photos originally, 2 from June 2012 and 3 from probably somewhere between January –March 2012.   Now we also have one little black in white picture attached to a medical form from December 2011, and another picture soon following his lip surgery, so probably early-mid May.  In addition, we realized that the 3 from January-March were scanned photos, and here were the originals!  I think any adoptive mom knows how obsessively you stare at those referral photos, memorizing every last piece of your child. Those pictures are now my most prized possession.  

I can’t believe I’ve only waited 4 days for this LOA, with 3-4 months to go. Luckily our calendar in the coming months is FULL, we all know how it is to try to pass the time…

Pre-approval today!!!    Here he is:

His first name is Min Yong, which means "Brave, valiant citizen." We hope to call him Benjamin Min Yong.   We are SO HAPPY!!!

Stay tuned....

Waiting one week

Ok, one week down, hopefully not too many left until we receive a referral.  We have MDs lined up for each type of special need we are open to (though I do tend to rely on gut instinct based on our history of accepting referrals).   When we moved to the China program and first talked about opening ourselves up to a child that may need surgeries or ongoing therapy, we realized (duh) that we live minutes from one of the best Children’s hospitals in the world.  If you live in the U.S. you have access to some of the best hospitals in the world, but here is one literally minutes from our house.  We definitely had an Aha! moment there.

I know I alluded to the wait for our Letter of Acceptance or LOA in my previous post.  Once we accept a referral, we submit a Letter of Intent, or LOI.  Hopefully within about a week we should receive PA, or preliminary approval.  But in order to file our I-800, we need that LOA from China that is the final approval of us to adopt that specific child.  The LOA can take anywhere from 30 days to 120 days.  Unfortunately, we learned via our agency’s monthly newsletter last month that we will most likely be in that 90-120 days category.  The reason being because 1) our dossier will have just arrived in China and will still be in line to be translated and 2) we are not adopting a special focus child (a child with more serious special needs) whose paperwork (and the family’s paperwork too) can be expedited.  So we will be in for a 3-4 month wait for that document.  Luckily, we will receive all the paperwork to file our I-800 beforehand, so we should be able to file that the day we get our LOA, then file the DS-230,  wait for the Article 5, then we receive Travel Approval, then notice of our consulate appointment, which means we can travel. 

Hopefully we will travel within 5-7 months of receiving our referral.  And its only one trip of 2.5 -3 weeks! My only goal is to get home BEFORE February 2013, when Chinese New Year begins and all of China pretty much shuts down for a least a week, from what I’ve heard.  This is the one time of year when EVERYONE migrates home, which is pretty crazy when you are thinking of millions of people.  

So we continue waiting. Waiting should somehow be incorporated into the word “adoption”. 

LID!

We found out today that we are LID!! Cupcakes for everyone!!!  Our dossier arrived in China on 6/20 and we were logged in 6/21. Next step is a referral!

Then I will tell you about the LOA wait- that is not the fun part.

 It's a good day today!

D.T.C.!!

We are Dossier To Ch*na!  I almost fell off my chair Friday afternoon when the dossier department contacted me to let me know we made it through critical review in one day- meaning everything in our dossier is complete and no revisions to any documents were needed.  Usually this process takes several days, not one, but one of the dossier specialists kind of implied that when the first review was done and it was perfect, they pushed it through the other levels quickly, for no other apparent reason than they didn’t feel the need for it to sit around the office. Following critical review, our agency translates key pieces of the dossier to avoid any confusion (Ch*na translates the entire thing once it gets there) then the agency arranges it in a folder/binder and mounts your pictures, so that all dossiers from this agency look a certain way. 

I knew on Friday that even though we made it through critical review, it would probably be a few more days before we were DTC, with the translation and organization of the dossier.  (Typically the entire process, critical review and preparing the dossier for China takes 9-11 business days).   I was in complete shock when I received an e-mail at 6:00pm that same day that we were DTC on 6/15/12!!!  I am not sure if they got it all done because they already had a package going to Ch*na or what, but we are so excited!

Some time in the next 3 weeks we should hear that we have been logged in the system in Ch*na and we will get our LID, or Log In Date.  Then we wait for our referral!