"Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

What could be in this precious envelope?  I think it is.....

Our I-800 approval!!!  Our USCIS officer continues to be the nicest lady ever.   I called to check on it yesterday and she said, "I put it in the mail yesterday!" We are still on track to leave sometime in December.  We are just waiting on our PDF copy of our NVC letter (should be sometime next week), then our agency will drop off the letter at the US Embassy with Ben's visa application and our LOA, and two weeks later our agency will go back and pick up our Article 5, and bring THAT to the CCCWA who will gives us Travel Approval 1-3 weeks later!

People often call birth and adoption “miracles.”  In some senses, neither seems like a miracle because we know how it comes about.  But in another way, no matter how many friends I see have children, every pregnancy, and every new life I hold in my arms seems nothing short of amazing, unbelievable, miraculous.

When you think about what adoption is, what is REALLY is, it just completely blows my mind.  People say to me all the time, “Why do you have to wait so long? What’s with all the paperwork? This is ridiculous; they should just give you the kid.”  But to me, the paperwork really makes sense.  This is a LIFE at stake.  A HUMAN BEING.  Frankly, I can’t believe there isn’t more paperwork.  I can’t believe someone doesn’t camp out with us for the first week to make sure we’re ok.  When you give birth, obviously, you get first dibs on the child. You created it, for heaven’s sake, it’s yours. But with adoption, there is a whole series of events that turns into, “Listen, we’ve got this child, and there is no one right now who can claim this child as their family.  We’ve checked around China, and we have caregivers for this child, but no family.  So, if you want, we will hand this child over to you, and you can be his family. Forever. For better or worse, no matter what, he will no longer be our responsibility, he will be yours.” And you do some paperwork, and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security says, “Well, this child is not biologically yours, but, we’ve reviewed this paperwork from China and the U.S., and if you want, we will consider the child your immediate relative. Your son.  From the moment you step foot in this country with him, he is your son, your responsibility. Forever.”  A child you have never laid eyes on, never touched, never heard the sound of his voice. 

And you go to China, and you are handed a child.  A HUMAN LIFE.  A scared and confused human life. That’s it. There are days of formalities, and then it’s done, and you are on a flight back to the U.S.

It is just the most UNBELIEVABLE, amazing, miraculous series of events.

I don’t believe that Ben was "destined" to be my son. I don't believe God planned all this. To believe that, I would need to believe his family was destined to not have the means to care for him, and I don’t believe that God plans pain and suffering. Humans have created this messed-up world over thousands of years.  But I am grateful for love, love created by God, the love of many that gave us this process and is giving Ben a family. Our family, three people created in Christ's image.  And it doesn't mean that Ben is not already flesh of my flesh through love.  It doesn't mean that already, without ever touching him, I would climb heaven and earth to keep him safe.

People have said to me, “I just couldn't do it.  I couldn’t care for a child that wasn't mine biologically.” I usually tell them to take a look at their spouse, or their best friend.  After 10 years, I am not sure where my husband ends and I start. Our hearts are bound together tighter than I ever could have imagined.  Together we ten times better than our individual selves.  We definitely have our own personalities and even different reasons for being democrats :), but at the end of the day, for everything that matters, we are one heart, created solely out of love, no biology needed.  It just makes sense to bring another living being into our fold of love, biological or not.  For whatever reason, whatever experiences I have had in my life, adoption seems like the most logical way to build my family.

And now, I have finally crossed the threshold between anxious waiting and happy waiting.  We are just three weeks away from the wait for travel approval and hopefully 7 weeks away from traveling!  My pregnant friends say they are so tired of strangers asking them about their pregnancies.  But when you have no pregnant belly, you just want to walk around with a photo, saying to people, “Ask me about my son! Because I am going to be a mom!!”