A few hours away

We are leaving in 2 short hours for the Civil Affairs Office to meet our little boy.  I cannot stop thinking about how afraid he is going to be when we take him.  He has probably never even seen a white person before. We will smell wrong, hold him wrong, feed him wrong.  We will not speak to him in a language he understands.  He will lose his friends, his nanny, his everything.

We believe and have seen from our adoptive friends that he will love us in time, maybe even in just a few days he will begin to feel very safe.  But the thought of his grief, however short or long, makes the day a joyful and painful one all at once.

Love bears all things, 
believes all things, 
hopes all things, 
endures all things.
Love never fails.
Cor 13:7-8

May our love never fail our little boy.

We have arrived in Zhengzhou, Henan Province!  As our travel group of 4 couples stepped out of the plane, we all cheered when we realized the weather outside was at least 15 degrees warmer than Beijing- at 40 degrees F, it felt like Florida!

We were met by our new guide Vivian who quickly escorted us onto our van to the hotel.  She handed out a page of new information about each of our children, and the van feel silent as we all read – we read about what brand of formula Ben (Xiao Yong) likes, what brand of rice cereal, his favorite foods (many), that he likes orange juice or hot water in his bottle as well (everyone drinks hot water here), that he has only 5 friends living with him, including only 1 other boy, who is our new friends in Atlanta’s son to be- they are leaving for China next month.

They also said about him, "His personality is simple and honest. He is an independent boy.  He smiles a lot.  He likes others playing with him.  He gives you cute smiles when you play with him.  You can hold him when he cries or gets fussy.  He likes new toys. We haven't found anything he is afraid of.  He can stand by himself now. He is learning to walk.  He can walk several steps with holding by adult.  He is very lovely.  It's very funny that when nanny pack her things up before getting off work, he will watch his nanny and show the sad expression on his face.  He will hold the nanny's hand, shaking it and saying goodbye when nanny goes out the from the door.  He likes to watch cartoon movie.  He feels very happy and jumps in his walker when he watches the the TV program he finds interesting."

I quickly told Vivian that we would very much like to visit the institute, particularly on the same day we also have to travel to the main city nearby, Xinyang, to get Ben’s passport.  She first said, “um, no, this is too far to do in one day, I am sorry.”  My expression must have been very obvious, because the next moment she said, “one minute, one minute, I will see.”  She got on her cell phone and spoke for several minutes in Mandarin to someone, then came back and said, “Ok, Luoshan County is 1 hour from Xinyang. When we go buy the train tickets today, we will get tickets for a later train so we can go.”  So WE ARE GOING!  This was so, so important to us, both to get pictures of our friend’s child for her, and to see where Ben has lived for the past 14 months,  to meet his nannies and maybe even hear more about his life.  Later Vivian told us the institute director is “very, very kind.” He personally is picking us up in Xinyang and driving us the 1 hour to Luoshan County!!

We also found out that we get Ben earlier than we expected-tomorrow morning, NOT afternoon! 

So meanwhile, we have been settling in to the hotel, unpacking all of our stuff for Ben.

They just rolled in the crib so now it feels REALLY real!!!

We are leaving today via plane for Zhengzhou, the capital of Ben's province. We'll get Ben tomorrow afternoon!  I am looking forward to getting to the hotel in Zhengzhou and unpacking all of Ben's stuff to get ready.  We found an awesome kid's toy store yesterday and bought a steering wheel car toy that speaks Mandarin (not sure what it says, probably "get the heck out of the way! and "watch out!" based on the driving here) and a wooden China map puzzle that says on the top "I love my homeland."

There is a Catholic Church a block from our hotel, but the English mass is at 4pm, long after we leave today (7:45am).  Yesterday we also went to the Great Wall, the jade factory, drove around the Olympic Stadium, and went to an acrobatics show.  Three additional families joined us, and we now have met the 3 other families who will be traveling to Zhengzhou with us today.

At the Great Wall

You see some crazy stuff in Beijing.  There were about 40 more Santas behind these guys. 

Day 1 Beijing

This morning we met 2 other adoptive families- one is with CCAI and will also be adopting their son from the Henan province.  The other was actually a WACAP family who was with our group to take advantage of our excellent guide, George. Coincidentally we are all adopting boys, all with same special need, and we all started out trying to adopt from another country before ending up in China SN program.

This morning we took a rickshaw ride to a "historical" area of Beijing.  If you know me well you can imagine I was mortified by the prospect of having another human pull the two of us around on a bike, but there was not much to say about it, I just gave him a big tip!

We went to the home of Ms. Wu, who had lived in her one room home for 40 years. She told us a bit about her life (translated through our guide George) and served us tea and snacks.

                                                     Ms. Wu's bridal trunks

We then went to the government-run silk factory.  After getting a demo, we were set free for some shopping, where we bought a traditional outfit for Ben to have and a few other gifts.

Silk cocoons

Last, we went to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City.  It is COLD in Beijing, and even though we are from Chicago, we usually don't spend 2 hours outside in the cold.  By this time, I was FREEZING.  Eventually our other group members (from Wisconsin and Denver) admitted they were frozen too.  You can only pack so much, so no one had warm boots or down coats.  Luckily, we ended right before sundown.

 Our little group in the square, across the street from the forbidden city 

 Tom with a turtle-dragon

Trying to see inside the emperor's home

Jetlag has hit me the past 2 days at 5pm Beijing time- I fall into a coma for about 2 hours but am then fine.  Tom of course, is fine! Just 3 more days until BEN!

We are in Beijing!

We arrived safe and sound in Beijing after an uneventful 14 hour flight.

Our guide met us at the airport and had a driver ready to take us to Beijing. The hotel is great and modern.  The hotel has more than enough free items in the room, including our own personal gas mask:

We are off now to a day of sightseeing (this leg of the trip is really about getting families new to China assimilated before they hand you a child). We'll post some pictures, though I know the pictures you want to see are the ones of Ben, we still have a few days to wait for those..come on Monday!!

At O'Hare Airport

"I can't believe its finally happening!!!"

We've been hearing this a lot lately.  And we agree! In January 2009, Tom and I decided that we knew 3 things: 1) We wanted to grow our family 2) There were many living children who needed families and 3) We are all brothers and sisters of each other, and we have a responsibility to care for each other.  The smallest thing we could do was be a family to one child.

We attended Adoption 101 on Valentine's Day 2009.  Then, none of our friends had kids..  We thought we would be the first! Imagine that. Then there was Poland, and meeting sweet Kacper, and losing Kacper to a loving Polish couple, and starting over again in China. And I know many people are angry about Poland, angry for our hurt and our loss. But its funny, somehow, the whole big mess was about LOVE. One woman who would break the rules to give a child she loved what she thought was the BEST family.  Another family who would defy her to get the son they dreamed of and loved. And somehow, we were stuck in the middle, just wanting to love that same boy forever. When it was all over, I guess people thought it might break us of our plan.  But I'll never forget the day Tom looked at me and said, "This whole thing just makes me want to adopt more than ever before."  We had already only glimpsed at how simple it was to fall in love with a child who was ours through Christ and the miracle of adoption, and it felt awesome.

Every so often, someone will say to us, "it's a really great thing you guys are doing, adopting." I kind of follow it with an "Um, well, we wanted to build our family, and every child deserves a family..." but really, it is very awkward to me, because no one plans to adopt for completely altruistic reasons.  I don't think anyone would go through all of this without knowing that, at the end of the day, no matter what, you would be getting back a child's love, which would trump all else.

I read this yesterday from the blog, "Tiny Green Elephants" and it just sums up so completely what we dream of in our house:

 "I know it may be scary when you first think about it [adopting], but God is serious about adoption, and he's serious about the kids he loves, and if you don't believe me, read it over and over again in his book.  "Feed my sheep," "Love the least of these,"  "Love others as yourself," is what he pretty much says is the point of it all.  Then, as it turns out, it ends up being the biggest blessing of your life, cause guess what, he really loves you too, so much, and he'll help you.  And when he says he came to bring you abundant life, he meant it, but not in the ways you might think at first.  But in rich hearts, full arms, sweet days filled with love, joy, purpose and every other thing that people seek after constantly, literally in your own little home.

Our deepest gladness.   "The place God calls us to is the place where your deepest gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet." -Frederick Beuchner

http://www.tinygreenelephants.com/

Boarding for Beijing!

Last Minute Scrambling

Yes, we are running around like mad people trying to get everything done, and are BOTH a bundle of nerves!  But it is starting to feel real.  We had our last days of work today, and when I walked out to my car yesterday, there was a car seat in the back seat!

Today my Aunt dropped by this gift for Ben from my cousin Malena- so cute:

And finally, today we received one last picture of Ben!  It looks like his head is freshly shaved, so I am glad to have an extra hat.  It is supposed to be cold in his province (though it looks mild in this picture) and it will definitely get cold in Chicago!

This is a picture we received back in the summer from an adoptive mom of the place where Ben is- the metal rails looked familiar in this new picture above:

Two more days...

Going to China!

Well, we are leaving in one week!  Whew!  We will fly into Beijing Wednesday, meet and have Ben forever on Monday 12/10, and fly home in time for Christmas on 12/22.  Life is nuts as we are rushing to pack, take care of last minute things and prepare our work places for our departures.  Tom will be off work until after the New Year, and I will be off for 12 weeks, so it is crazy at work too!  Two of the staff members left behind at my office are getting "combat pay" while I am gone - they will be so busy taking over my work load.  I am sorry to leave them with the work but of course Ben comes first!!  We are setting up a VPN for China so we can continue blogging- blogger is a blocked site in China!

Travel Approval!

Well, we did receive our "TA" Monday.  The travel approval allows our agency to request our consulate appointment, which they did, unfortunately, the consulate did not respond yesterday.  So, fingers crossed we hear tomorrow! One of our two requests involved leaving a week from tomorrow, and we are hoping the consulate will grant that request.  Say a prayer for us!

Not TA, but good for now!

Today, FINALLY we received an update on Ben.  I admit last week Monday I had a bit of a mental break and e-mailed our agency again just desperate for an update after waiting a month and a half for one. She had already asked for one, but I think she took pity on me (kind woman) and asked again.  Something about this being the exact point at which our last adoption went awry just started really impacting me a few weeks ago, and I had begun spinning insane stories in my mind of what could possibly be wrong that was resulting in no updates for us.

But today, THERE HE WAS.  And a half page update, which included the sentence, "he is in the institute" which I think was put in specifically for me, so I would know he is where they have said he is.  And he is WALKING while holding on to things, has taken a few steps unassisted, has 3 teeth with two more coming in (glad I packed the tylenol and homeopathic teething meds), naps for just an hour a day (!) and is eating all kinds of foods.  He is 23 lbs, sounding pretty happy and healthy. It is such a relief to see new pictures of him. Here he is:

Meanwhile, we wait for Travel Approval.  We are currently "first in line" according to various Facebook groups and adoption forums, along with 2 other families who have also been waiting 11 days.  Fingers crossed it comes this week!

We are confirmed for Article 5 pickup on Thursday, November 8.  Then it is 1-3 weeks for Travel Approval!  I am really hoping we leave the first week in December.

In the meantime, we continue to plan and pack.  We found out we can use our Marriott Rewards to pay for part of the trip's hotel stays, which will save us a little money.  The trip and packing is kind of nuts because we take 2 in-china flights after flying 12 hours to get to China:

Part 1: Pre-Ben.  We will fly in to a port city (most like Beijing) and stay for 1-2 days, primarily I believe to get assimilated to the the time difference. We will go on guided tours for a couple of days.

Part 2: Ben! We will fly to Ben's province, Henan, to the capital, Zhengzhou.  Meanwhile, Ben will be traveling 1.5 hours by car and another 3 hours by train to meet us in the capital. We will hopefully have Gotcha Day the day after we arrive in Zhengzhou. We will stay here or a few days until his paperwork is complete there. The weather here is comparable to Chicago, I've been told.

Part 3:  We will go to Guangzhou in the Guangdong province for our last week in China.  The U.S. Consulate is here, this is where we will finalize our adoption and receive the precious brown envelope. The weather here is comparable to Florida!

So with all the traveling we've been told to try to pack light.  I am trying my best, but doesn't luggage have wheels for a reason??

At 6:40 a.m. this morning we received our PDF copy of the confirmation that our I-800 approval has been cabled to the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China.  Our agency’s staff in China should be dropping off our paperwork today or tomorrow, to be picked up in 2 weeks.  A day or two after that (Nov 9?, Nov 12?) We will begin our wait for Travel Approval! The wait is 1-3 weeks, with the average being 14 days. 

What could be in this precious envelope?  I think it is.....

Our I-800 approval!!!  Our USCIS officer continues to be the nicest lady ever.   I called to check on it yesterday and she said, "I put it in the mail yesterday!" We are still on track to leave sometime in December.  We are just waiting on our PDF copy of our NVC letter (should be sometime next week), then our agency will drop off the letter at the US Embassy with Ben's visa application and our LOA, and two weeks later our agency will go back and pick up our Article 5, and bring THAT to the CCCWA who will gives us Travel Approval 1-3 weeks later!

People often call birth and adoption “miracles.”  In some senses, neither seems like a miracle because we know how it comes about.  But in another way, no matter how many friends I see have children, every pregnancy, and every new life I hold in my arms seems nothing short of amazing, unbelievable, miraculous.

When you think about what adoption is, what is REALLY is, it just completely blows my mind.  People say to me all the time, “Why do you have to wait so long? What’s with all the paperwork? This is ridiculous; they should just give you the kid.”  But to me, the paperwork really makes sense.  This is a LIFE at stake.  A HUMAN BEING.  Frankly, I can’t believe there isn’t more paperwork.  I can’t believe someone doesn’t camp out with us for the first week to make sure we’re ok.  When you give birth, obviously, you get first dibs on the child. You created it, for heaven’s sake, it’s yours. But with adoption, there is a whole series of events that turns into, “Listen, we’ve got this child, and there is no one right now who can claim this child as their family.  We’ve checked around China, and we have caregivers for this child, but no family.  So, if you want, we will hand this child over to you, and you can be his family. Forever. For better or worse, no matter what, he will no longer be our responsibility, he will be yours.” And you do some paperwork, and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security says, “Well, this child is not biologically yours, but, we’ve reviewed this paperwork from China and the U.S., and if you want, we will consider the child your immediate relative. Your son.  From the moment you step foot in this country with him, he is your son, your responsibility. Forever.”  A child you have never laid eyes on, never touched, never heard the sound of his voice. 

And you go to China, and you are handed a child.  A HUMAN LIFE.  A scared and confused human life. That’s it. There are days of formalities, and then it’s done, and you are on a flight back to the U.S.

It is just the most UNBELIEVABLE, amazing, miraculous series of events.

I don’t believe that Ben was "destined" to be my son. I don't believe God planned all this. To believe that, I would need to believe his family was destined to not have the means to care for him, and I don’t believe that God plans pain and suffering. Humans have created this messed-up world over thousands of years.  But I am grateful for love, love created by God, the love of many that gave us this process and is giving Ben a family. Our family, three people created in Christ's image.  And it doesn't mean that Ben is not already flesh of my flesh through love.  It doesn't mean that already, without ever touching him, I would climb heaven and earth to keep him safe.

People have said to me, “I just couldn't do it.  I couldn’t care for a child that wasn't mine biologically.” I usually tell them to take a look at their spouse, or their best friend.  After 10 years, I am not sure where my husband ends and I start. Our hearts are bound together tighter than I ever could have imagined.  Together we ten times better than our individual selves.  We definitely have our own personalities and even different reasons for being democrats :), but at the end of the day, for everything that matters, we are one heart, created solely out of love, no biology needed.  It just makes sense to bring another living being into our fold of love, biological or not.  For whatever reason, whatever experiences I have had in my life, adoption seems like the most logical way to build my family.

And now, I have finally crossed the threshold between anxious waiting and happy waiting.  We are just three weeks away from the wait for travel approval and hopefully 7 weeks away from traveling!  My pregnant friends say they are so tired of strangers asking them about their pregnancies.  But when you have no pregnant belly, you just want to walk around with a photo, saying to people, “Ask me about my son! Because I am going to be a mom!!”