We are in Beijing!

We arrived safe and sound in Beijing after an uneventful 14 hour flight.

Our guide met us at the airport and had a driver ready to take us to Beijing. The hotel is great and modern.  The hotel has more than enough free items in the room, including our own personal gas mask:

We are off now to a day of sightseeing (this leg of the trip is really about getting families new to China assimilated before they hand you a child). We'll post some pictures, though I know the pictures you want to see are the ones of Ben, we still have a few days to wait for those..come on Monday!!

At O'Hare Airport

"I can't believe its finally happening!!!"

We've been hearing this a lot lately.  And we agree! In January 2009, Tom and I decided that we knew 3 things: 1) We wanted to grow our family 2) There were many living children who needed families and 3) We are all brothers and sisters of each other, and we have a responsibility to care for each other.  The smallest thing we could do was be a family to one child.

We attended Adoption 101 on Valentine's Day 2009.  Then, none of our friends had kids..  We thought we would be the first! Imagine that. Then there was Poland, and meeting sweet Kacper, and losing Kacper to a loving Polish couple, and starting over again in China. And I know many people are angry about Poland, angry for our hurt and our loss. But its funny, somehow, the whole big mess was about LOVE. One woman who would break the rules to give a child she loved what she thought was the BEST family.  Another family who would defy her to get the son they dreamed of and loved. And somehow, we were stuck in the middle, just wanting to love that same boy forever. When it was all over, I guess people thought it might break us of our plan.  But I'll never forget the day Tom looked at me and said, "This whole thing just makes me want to adopt more than ever before."  We had already only glimpsed at how simple it was to fall in love with a child who was ours through Christ and the miracle of adoption, and it felt awesome.

Every so often, someone will say to us, "it's a really great thing you guys are doing, adopting." I kind of follow it with an "Um, well, we wanted to build our family, and every child deserves a family..." but really, it is very awkward to me, because no one plans to adopt for completely altruistic reasons.  I don't think anyone would go through all of this without knowing that, at the end of the day, no matter what, you would be getting back a child's love, which would trump all else.

I read this yesterday from the blog, "Tiny Green Elephants" and it just sums up so completely what we dream of in our house:

 "I know it may be scary when you first think about it [adopting], but God is serious about adoption, and he's serious about the kids he loves, and if you don't believe me, read it over and over again in his book.  "Feed my sheep," "Love the least of these,"  "Love others as yourself," is what he pretty much says is the point of it all.  Then, as it turns out, it ends up being the biggest blessing of your life, cause guess what, he really loves you too, so much, and he'll help you.  And when he says he came to bring you abundant life, he meant it, but not in the ways you might think at first.  But in rich hearts, full arms, sweet days filled with love, joy, purpose and every other thing that people seek after constantly, literally in your own little home.

Our deepest gladness.   "The place God calls us to is the place where your deepest gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet." -Frederick Beuchner

http://www.tinygreenelephants.com/

Boarding for Beijing!

Last Minute Scrambling

Yes, we are running around like mad people trying to get everything done, and are BOTH a bundle of nerves!  But it is starting to feel real.  We had our last days of work today, and when I walked out to my car yesterday, there was a car seat in the back seat!

Today my Aunt dropped by this gift for Ben from my cousin Malena- so cute:

And finally, today we received one last picture of Ben!  It looks like his head is freshly shaved, so I am glad to have an extra hat.  It is supposed to be cold in his province (though it looks mild in this picture) and it will definitely get cold in Chicago!

This is a picture we received back in the summer from an adoptive mom of the place where Ben is- the metal rails looked familiar in this new picture above:

Two more days...

Going to China!

Well, we are leaving in one week!  Whew!  We will fly into Beijing Wednesday, meet and have Ben forever on Monday 12/10, and fly home in time for Christmas on 12/22.  Life is nuts as we are rushing to pack, take care of last minute things and prepare our work places for our departures.  Tom will be off work until after the New Year, and I will be off for 12 weeks, so it is crazy at work too!  Two of the staff members left behind at my office are getting "combat pay" while I am gone - they will be so busy taking over my work load.  I am sorry to leave them with the work but of course Ben comes first!!  We are setting up a VPN for China so we can continue blogging- blogger is a blocked site in China!

Travel Approval!

Well, we did receive our "TA" Monday.  The travel approval allows our agency to request our consulate appointment, which they did, unfortunately, the consulate did not respond yesterday.  So, fingers crossed we hear tomorrow! One of our two requests involved leaving a week from tomorrow, and we are hoping the consulate will grant that request.  Say a prayer for us!

Not TA, but good for now!

Today, FINALLY we received an update on Ben.  I admit last week Monday I had a bit of a mental break and e-mailed our agency again just desperate for an update after waiting a month and a half for one. She had already asked for one, but I think she took pity on me (kind woman) and asked again.  Something about this being the exact point at which our last adoption went awry just started really impacting me a few weeks ago, and I had begun spinning insane stories in my mind of what could possibly be wrong that was resulting in no updates for us.

But today, THERE HE WAS.  And a half page update, which included the sentence, "he is in the institute" which I think was put in specifically for me, so I would know he is where they have said he is.  And he is WALKING while holding on to things, has taken a few steps unassisted, has 3 teeth with two more coming in (glad I packed the tylenol and homeopathic teething meds), naps for just an hour a day (!) and is eating all kinds of foods.  He is 23 lbs, sounding pretty happy and healthy. It is such a relief to see new pictures of him. Here he is:

Meanwhile, we wait for Travel Approval.  We are currently "first in line" according to various Facebook groups and adoption forums, along with 2 other families who have also been waiting 11 days.  Fingers crossed it comes this week!

We are confirmed for Article 5 pickup on Thursday, November 8.  Then it is 1-3 weeks for Travel Approval!  I am really hoping we leave the first week in December.

In the meantime, we continue to plan and pack.  We found out we can use our Marriott Rewards to pay for part of the trip's hotel stays, which will save us a little money.  The trip and packing is kind of nuts because we take 2 in-china flights after flying 12 hours to get to China:

Part 1: Pre-Ben.  We will fly in to a port city (most like Beijing) and stay for 1-2 days, primarily I believe to get assimilated to the the time difference. We will go on guided tours for a couple of days.

Part 2: Ben! We will fly to Ben's province, Henan, to the capital, Zhengzhou.  Meanwhile, Ben will be traveling 1.5 hours by car and another 3 hours by train to meet us in the capital. We will hopefully have Gotcha Day the day after we arrive in Zhengzhou. We will stay here or a few days until his paperwork is complete there. The weather here is comparable to Chicago, I've been told.

Part 3:  We will go to Guangzhou in the Guangdong province for our last week in China.  The U.S. Consulate is here, this is where we will finalize our adoption and receive the precious brown envelope. The weather here is comparable to Florida!

So with all the traveling we've been told to try to pack light.  I am trying my best, but doesn't luggage have wheels for a reason??

At 6:40 a.m. this morning we received our PDF copy of the confirmation that our I-800 approval has been cabled to the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China.  Our agency’s staff in China should be dropping off our paperwork today or tomorrow, to be picked up in 2 weeks.  A day or two after that (Nov 9?, Nov 12?) We will begin our wait for Travel Approval! The wait is 1-3 weeks, with the average being 14 days. 

What could be in this precious envelope?  I think it is.....

Our I-800 approval!!!  Our USCIS officer continues to be the nicest lady ever.   I called to check on it yesterday and she said, "I put it in the mail yesterday!" We are still on track to leave sometime in December.  We are just waiting on our PDF copy of our NVC letter (should be sometime next week), then our agency will drop off the letter at the US Embassy with Ben's visa application and our LOA, and two weeks later our agency will go back and pick up our Article 5, and bring THAT to the CCCWA who will gives us Travel Approval 1-3 weeks later!

People often call birth and adoption “miracles.”  In some senses, neither seems like a miracle because we know how it comes about.  But in another way, no matter how many friends I see have children, every pregnancy, and every new life I hold in my arms seems nothing short of amazing, unbelievable, miraculous.

When you think about what adoption is, what is REALLY is, it just completely blows my mind.  People say to me all the time, “Why do you have to wait so long? What’s with all the paperwork? This is ridiculous; they should just give you the kid.”  But to me, the paperwork really makes sense.  This is a LIFE at stake.  A HUMAN BEING.  Frankly, I can’t believe there isn’t more paperwork.  I can’t believe someone doesn’t camp out with us for the first week to make sure we’re ok.  When you give birth, obviously, you get first dibs on the child. You created it, for heaven’s sake, it’s yours. But with adoption, there is a whole series of events that turns into, “Listen, we’ve got this child, and there is no one right now who can claim this child as their family.  We’ve checked around China, and we have caregivers for this child, but no family.  So, if you want, we will hand this child over to you, and you can be his family. Forever. For better or worse, no matter what, he will no longer be our responsibility, he will be yours.” And you do some paperwork, and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security says, “Well, this child is not biologically yours, but, we’ve reviewed this paperwork from China and the U.S., and if you want, we will consider the child your immediate relative. Your son.  From the moment you step foot in this country with him, he is your son, your responsibility. Forever.”  A child you have never laid eyes on, never touched, never heard the sound of his voice. 

And you go to China, and you are handed a child.  A HUMAN LIFE.  A scared and confused human life. That’s it. There are days of formalities, and then it’s done, and you are on a flight back to the U.S.

It is just the most UNBELIEVABLE, amazing, miraculous series of events.

I don’t believe that Ben was "destined" to be my son. I don't believe God planned all this. To believe that, I would need to believe his family was destined to not have the means to care for him, and I don’t believe that God plans pain and suffering. Humans have created this messed-up world over thousands of years.  But I am grateful for love, love created by God, the love of many that gave us this process and is giving Ben a family. Our family, three people created in Christ's image.  And it doesn't mean that Ben is not already flesh of my flesh through love.  It doesn't mean that already, without ever touching him, I would climb heaven and earth to keep him safe.

People have said to me, “I just couldn't do it.  I couldn’t care for a child that wasn't mine biologically.” I usually tell them to take a look at their spouse, or their best friend.  After 10 years, I am not sure where my husband ends and I start. Our hearts are bound together tighter than I ever could have imagined.  Together we ten times better than our individual selves.  We definitely have our own personalities and even different reasons for being democrats :), but at the end of the day, for everything that matters, we are one heart, created solely out of love, no biology needed.  It just makes sense to bring another living being into our fold of love, biological or not.  For whatever reason, whatever experiences I have had in my life, adoption seems like the most logical way to build my family.

And now, I have finally crossed the threshold between anxious waiting and happy waiting.  We are just three weeks away from the wait for travel approval and hopefully 7 weeks away from traveling!  My pregnant friends say they are so tired of strangers asking them about their pregnancies.  But when you have no pregnant belly, you just want to walk around with a photo, saying to people, “Ask me about my son! Because I am going to be a mom!!” 

LOA!!!!

Thursday afternoon I received the best e-mail of my life- our LOA arrived at our agency, 68 days after we received pre-approval  to adopt Ben!  Our agency told us to expect 90-120 days, but (unfortunately for my psyche last week) I realized via a Facebook group I joined and the popular China adoption "Rumor Queen" website that lately these have been coming in much faster. After weeks of obsessing other people's "stats", I realized last week that there was a chance ours may come that week.  All week I checked my e-mail hourly (even though my phone beeps when I have an e-mail..) and checked the Facebook group about every 20 minutes to see who had received theirs.

By Wednesday I was a mess.  Instead of thinking, "well, ours should be here soon.."  I kept thinking, "There is something wrong with our paperwork. No, our paperwork is lost. We will wait for 120 days.  No, we made a mistake.  No, THEY made a mistake. Maybe someone else is adopting Ben. This is never going to happen."  Everyday began and ended with a backache, headache, neck ache.  I couldn't sleep but was exhausted all day.  I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Then Thursday, at about 2:00p.m., an e-mail with the subject line:"Your LOA is HERE!!!!!"  I broke down into crazy sobs, and now, well, I feel like a million dollars! We are going to Ch*na in about 2 months, most likely in December! Knock on wood, we will home before Christmas!  I feel like someone has opened all the windows in my life and fresh air is filling my house.

So our hard copy LOA, actually called a "Letter Seeking Confirmation" arrived by FedEx yesterday, which we signed, confirming that yes, we would like to adopt Min Yong, and FedExed back to our agency with several other papers, including our I-800 application which they will hopefully FedEx to USCIS Monday.

SO, what's left in the next 2+ months?

1) The US Center for Immigration Services has to approve our I-800, or "Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative." This is immigration's approval to consider Ben our son.  He will be a U.S. citizen on entering U.S. soil. 

2) The approval is sent to the National Visa Center, who cables the approval to the consulate in Ch*na.

3) Our Article 5 letter is generated at the consulate, picked up by our agency's courier, and delivered to the government agency in Ch*na who handles all Ch*na adoptions.

4) Ch*na issues us Travel Approval.

5) We request a consulate appointment.  The appointment will take place at the end of our trip, so that date will determine when we travel.

In the meantime we may start making out some packing lists!

Three months ago

Three months ago today our dossier was mailed off to China.  So much has happened since then, we have so much to celebrate! I joined a Facebook group for individuals in the similar stages of adoption as us, and yesterday Moms and moms-to-be were discussing moon cakes.  The Chinese Mid Autumn Festival is coming up on September 30, and moon cakes are the treat de jour of this holiday.  I realized Tom and I had not been to Chinatown since we celebrated DTC, and we had never had any Chinese baked goods, so today we took a quick ride there:

I found this bakery, Chio Quon Bakery on Yelp, it appeared to be the go-to place for moon cakes and other Chinese treats:

What the website does not say is that every bakery item was between 80-90 cents. Heaven! We ended up getting a BBQ pork bun, a bean paste bun, a custard bun, a sesame ball, rice cake (for Tom, not my thing) and of course, two moon cakes, a lotus seed paste moon cake and a bean paste moon cake:

 The box- their cakes look awesome and we are definitely going back for one.

 Here are the cute little moon cakes.  They were very dense and sticky and reminded me of the Filipino desserts I have had.

The verdict? The lotus paste was delicious.  The bean paste? Well, by that time I had eaten a bean paste bun, so it didn't really do it for me, but we will going back for the lotus paste moon cakes for sure!!

We'll be going to the Moon Festival in Chinatown in the next 2 weeks and hopefully next year we'll go again, with Ben!

Happy Early Birthday Ben!

Last weekend we went to my brother and sister in law's house to celebrate my sister in law Ashley's birthday.  Ashley's daughter Reagan is 2 months younger than Ben, so we are counting on them being good friends.

My family surprised us by also having a birthday cake for Ben!  

Then after we all showered Ashley with our gifts for her, they surprised Tom and I with a birthday "shoebox" to send to Ben. Each person or family had added a toy to the shoe box for Ben's birthday.  My family has been our biggest cheerleaders and they are just THE BEST. The biggest hope I have for my kids is to end up with a family like mine (and my biggest challenge is going to be building that family!)

Admittedly,  can't bring myself to send the shoebox. I am keeping it home for Ben to play with here, his 1st birthday gift. 

Ironically enough, I had brought 2 signs for Ben's birthday "shoe box" I planned to send, one that says Min Yong Happy Birthday! and the other that says Min Yong We Love You!  I did get great pictures of Ben's cousins holding them, 

Tomorrow is day 52 of our LOA wait, I hoping with all my heart that it comes in the next 3 weeks, and maybe, maybe we can travel by Christmas.

Long time, no post. We are on LOA wait day 40, and have heard a lot of happy news from others in a similar paperwork situation receiving LOA around day 65 lately.  Of course, we could wait 125 days, who knows, but it has given me a lot of hope for faster travel than I thought.  Being home for Christmas would be incredible. 

Life has been pretty overwhelming lately, in a good way, but over whelming nonetheless.  I always imagined with our first it would be referral, hoopla, travel.  But we already had the hoopla over a year ago, and instead I have had to field a few, “so is this for real?” and “well, hopefully it all works out this time” and “I thought maybe you would try to have one of your own after what happened.”  Some relatives again are not thrilled with the adoption and don’t even bring it up when we see them, and no matter how much I try not to take it personally, I do. 

That part has not been easy, and my biggest sadness is in feeling in some way that some people may think my son is less my son because he did not come out of my uterus. I have been thinking of Jen Hatmaker’s post shared on Facebook about being ready to defend your child to the death, even before you have held them in your arms.  For some reason, to me, people asking me if I will ever try to conceive after finding out I am adopting, devalues my son and his place in our family as our perfect, first born son.  People tell me I should experience birthing a child and I want to tell them they should experience adoption, because I haven’t even completed one and I can already tell it’s the most awesome experience of my life.

Despite all this ironically enough, I have been so filled with this overwhelming joy and peace.  The world is bustling around me but I know this chapter of my life is about to end.   I will admit that with Poland I was happy, but I was extremely stressed, worried, and afraid.  Back then, I was really afraid of “messing up.”  It seemed like everyone around me was happy for K. to be our child, but they were all watching, holding their breath, just waiting for all of their negative expectations of adoption to come true.

Today, I don’t care.  I get a little angry (see above) about others’ reactions, but at the end of the day, I simply don’t care.  I have a family I love, who love Tom and me and can’t wait for Ben.  I have friends that are my family too, people who will have been there for us and will be forever.  Ben will be so loved by our closest circle, and nothing else matters besides.  The more you try to give, somehow, you end up getting it back tenfold, you know?  I feel like Tom and I have everything, and somehow, we get Ben too? How is this possible?  I try so hard (still need to try harder) to put myself out there for people, for anyone, to serve others, and somehow I still end up feeling like I have gotten so much more back than I ever gave away. 

Care Package Sent!

We finally sent a second care package to Ben on Monday.  The box cannot be bigger than a shoebox, and I must have become an expert on packing, because this package was $30  more to mail than the first one!  It felt strange to just send things to Ben, especially since he won’t know any better, so I added 3  tubes of Crabtree and Evelyn lotions labeled “for the nannies who take care of you”, jelly bellys with the same label, 2 packs of crayons labeled (I hope!) “for the older kids”, and 2 sweatshirts, socks, a mandarin kids’ book about colors, a toy phone and toy flashlight, all labeled, “to share with your friends”. Then I included a disposable camera with his name on it, and a ½ piece of photo paper, laminated, with his picture and pictures of us and the words “we love you” in mandarin. I also put in a picture of his new cousin, who is only 3 months apart in age from him.  IN the first care package, we included a soft album of photos, but I thought maybe they would let him hold this laminated piece of paper, or maybe hang it by his bed??  One can dream!